Aluna
Behaviour
Consultancy
Newsletter Number 29,
August 2024
A Very Sad Summer
As a young child, I always felt that the summer holiday was too long!! It wasn't because I wasn't having a great time or didn't want to be with my family. It seems as if, in those days, the weather was better. Not too hot but several weeks of dry, warm and sunny days. I think for me I just really enjoyed primary school and liked the routine of a school term.
The same was true when, as an adult I went into the education sector. After about four weeks of the summer break I was ready to go back to work. The new school year was always so exciting, with new children, the classroom declutter and different arrangement of furniture and new coat-peg labels. However, there was something else that made me dread the lengthy period away from school - that the children would have holidays free from harm and return to school safely the next term. Even now that I'm no longer teaching, I dread the stories of children being in some kind of danger that leaves one seat empty where they should be sitting.
Sadly this will be the case for the three girls who died this summer. My heart goes out to the families, friends and community in Southport where tragedy took place. I also think of the pupils and staff at Marshside Primary School where Bebe King, aged six attended, Farnborough Road Infant School where Elsie Dot Stancombe, aged seven was a pupil and Churchtown Primary School attended by Alice da Silva Aguiar, aged nine.
Now is not the time to comment on the perpetrator's actions or the subsequent unrest that spread countrywide. But I can empathise with those that Bebe, Elsie and Alice left behind.
On Boxing Day in 2008 an eight year old pupil who I had taught died. Returning from the winter break, speaking to the children and sharing in the grief of his family, friends, pupils and school staff was extremely difficult. He was such a colourful character that this absence from the school was hugely palpable. Attending a child's funeral is not something that I never want to have to experience again and I still mourn for what he might have been as a 24 year old in 2024. This personal tragedy has further perpetuated my school holiday anxiety.
Whilst it wasn't available at my school at the time, nor many years before when a teaching colleague died by suicide, I'm sure all three schools have in place provision for the emotional support for the pupils, parents and staff members who will need it. There are many more milestones for Bebe, Elsie and Alice's loved ones to grieve.
Talking to children when a classmate dies should be handled carefully:
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Explain things in a sensitive and truthful way.
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Encourage the children to ask questions which will help with any misinformation or rumours that might come up.
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Reassure the children that school staff are there to listen and support them whilst they grieve.
There are a range of services available, including Child Bereavement UK. Their website is:
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https://www.childbereavementuk.org/supporting-bereaved-children-and-young-people
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Video for adults: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imu3pRNQnDs&t=25s
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Helpline: 0800 02 888 40
They advise:
When a parent, sibling, grandparent or friend has died, children and young people grieve just as deeply as adults, but they can show it in different ways. They learn how to grieve by copying the responses of the adults around them and rely on them to support them in their grief. How a child or young person responds to someone dying will be influenced by their age and understanding, the relationship they had with the person who died, and how the person died.
A range of reactions and emotions are common, and are likely to settle over time with reassurance, acknowledging what has happened and their feelings, giving them clear and age-appropriate information, and keeping to normal routines. How children and young people grieve is influenced by their age, understanding and experience. The way they react will vary greatly, as individual children absorb and process information differently.
Younger children cannot usually cope with strong emotions for too long and may appear to jump in and out of their grief as if they are jumping in and out of a puddle. Watch their short animated film Puddle Jumping https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmkbTnWSZ_U&t=9s to find out more about how young children grieve and how adults can support them.
Young people may be overwhelmed by their feelings or experience traumatic stress. The film, Volcano https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2CRb9zxRZA aims to help children and young people cope with difficult feelings including anger, and explains why it’s a good idea to release emotions now and then so they don’t build up and become unmanageable.
They provide support and guidance for children and professionals in any circumstances and signpost adults for appropriate help too.
In the run up to the new academic year, young people, educators and parents may struggle with sadness, anxiety or fear.
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For some settings and addressing racism will be paramount.
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Some pupils may be extremely anxious and emotionally vulnerable
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Parents may be at a loss as to how they should support their children
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Staff may feel overwhelmed by their own feelings and emotions
I can provide the support to address these issues. To discuss the needs of your setting, please book a free consultation meeting so we can chat about how I can help.
Click here: https://calendly.com/alu.../free-30-minute-mini-consultation or message me here:
Contact | Aluna Behaviour Consultancy (aluna-abc.co.uk)
“Those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity.” — Terri Guillemets
